Charity Work

Wrote this on the bus last week. Its not quite perfected but I just needed to get it out of my head.


EXT. high street-day

A charity worker is standing collecting money from passers by

Charity Worker
Help the IFG. Help the IFG?

A man casually puts a few coins in the jar

Charity Worker
Thank you, sir. Help the IFG

A pompous looking gentleman dressed in suit, jacket and bowler hat walks up inquisitively. He pauses, takes a coin, and places it purposely in the Jar.

Charity Worker
Thank you, sir.

Man
(Enthusiastically)
Splendid!

The man stays, staring at the charity worker, with a broad grin on his face.

This lasts an unusually long length of time, the man’s gaze not once shifting from the charity worker. This prompts the charity worker to inquire.

Charity Worker
Can I help you at all?

Man
Oh, im sorry. I was waiting
for you.

Charity Worker
Excuse me?

Man
Well…I just gave you a pound,
my boy. I believe I should get
something for that pound?

Charity Worker
Well you don’t GET anything;
it’s for charity.

MAN
(Confused)
…I’m not following you

CHARITY WORKER
You’re making a donation, not buying
anything.

MAN
Right…I really don’t think you’re getting
this. I have imparted my tender and
you should give me something in return.

CHARITY WORKER
Well…no. You should be happy that you’re giving
Your own money to help support people in the
World who need it the most.

MAN
(chuckling)
Oh, I see.

He pauses for a moment to think…

No, that’s definitely not going to fly.
I’m really going to have to be quite
insistent.

CHARITY WORKER
I don’t really have anything I can give you.

MAN
Well that’s em…

He eyes the mans trousers, interested.

that’s a nice pair of trousers you’re wearing.

CHARITY WORKER
What?

MAN
What sort of size do you take?

CHARITY WORKER
Listen, mate. I cant…

As the Charity Worker is speaking the man removes a revolver from inside his jacket and points it directly at him. There is a concentrated, mad look in his eyes.

MAN
Take them off.


CHARITY WORKER
I cant give you my…

The man cocks the revolver whilst raising one manic eyebrow

Jesus Christ! Alright!

The Charity Worker clearly shocked and confused by his current situation looks from side to side in a vein attempt to acquire some sort of assistance. Finding none and seeing he has no other option he begins awkwardly removing his trousers. The revolver remains trained on him.

There is an uncomfortable silence as he removes them.

Trousers removed he hands them to the man. He takes them with his free hand and hangs them over his arm, feeling the material.

MAN
Ah! Fine material!
Well, good day!

Smiling, the man tips his hat appreciatively and walks off.
The Charity Worker is left shocked and trouser-less.